


Tuesdays Are For Thirst

by Skowronek



Series: Yuuri on Tuesdays [3]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medical, Attempt at Humor, Crack, Doctor Katsuki Yuuri, Eros Katsuki Yuuri, Falling In Love, First Date, Game of Thrones References, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Oblivious Heartbreaker Katsuki Yuuri, Pining, Pining victor, Prostate Exam AU, Victor No Chill Nikiforov, is that crack?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 17:38:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13195188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skowronek/pseuds/Skowronek
Summary: ‘If you say it’s not a date’, Victor replies easily, ‘then it’s not a date. But it could be’.Yuuri smoothly pulls the finger out. There’s nothing wrong with Victor’s prostate. There’s nothing wrong with Victor.He turns to the rubbish bin and disposes of the gloves. Only then does he look at Victor, who is frozen against the couch, his butt still up.‘I’ll see you on Tuesday’, Yuuri agrees.Victor lands a date with his cute urologist.





	Tuesdays Are For Thirst

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sizhu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sizhu/gifts).
  * Translation into Русский available: [Вторники предназначены для жажды](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13818729) by [Hikari_Ai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hikari_Ai/pseuds/Hikari_Ai)



_‘If you say it’s not a date’, Victor replies easily, ‘then it’s not a date. But it could be’._

_Yuuri smoothly pulls the finger out. There’s nothing wrong with Victor’s prostate. There’s nothing wrong with Victor._

_He turns to the rubbish bin and disposes of the gloves. Only then does he look at Victor, who is frozen against the couch, his butt still up._

_‘I’ll see you on Tuesday’, Yuuri agrees._

 

 

Tuesday comes faster than Victor in the shower.

No, scratch that.

Tuesday comes faster than Victor in his bed; than Victor on his couch; than Victor, in general, comes at the thought of Yuuri Katsuki, M.D., a medical professional, professional heartbreaker and A+++ prostate seeker, who Victor wants to meet with his heart open, dick out and butt up.

‘You know, if it’s a date, maybe you should consider doing something’, Chris suggests when Victor FaceTimes him when in need of assistance. ‘Like, you know. An activity that people do for fun, something that is not sex but may lead to sex’.

‘Oh’, Victor just says.

It’s Monday morning and he’s been trying to decide which boxers make his butt stand out the best. He figures Yuuri might be a butt kind of guy, doing what he does. And if he isn’t – well, Victor is a lot of things and modest is not one of them. He knows his butt is an asset, no pun intended.

Chris looks just as if he knew what Victor was thinking, and the knowledge does not impress him at all. His eyes, green behind his glasses, are almost pitiful, or maybe it’s just laughter.

‘What does he like?’, Chris asks, sighing. ‘Favourite food? A hobby? Anything?’.

Victor presses one finger to his lips, thinking. The two of them talked, sure. And yet, everything’s just a blur – he focused so much on how beautiful the man is that he didn’t notice what was coming out of his mouth. It’s not, he thinks, as if he could be blamed for that.

‘Balls’, he finally remembers. ‘He likes balls!’

Chris rolls his eyes.

‘We live in _Detroit,_ Victor, if you haven’t noticed’, he sighs. ‘A ball, really? Do you want to whisk him away to Vienna or something? Do you even know how to waltz?’

‘Of course I know how to waltz’, Victor says, offended. ‘Who do you think I am?’, and then he sighs, too, because it’s really unlike Chris to make a rookie mistake like that – and about balls, of all things. Victor has a poor taste in friends. ‘And by balls, I meant testicles, Chris, for God’s sake. Nuts. Your dangling parts. He wrote his doctoral thesis on them’.

‘ _My_ dangling parts?’, Chris gasps, scandalized. ‘He wrote about _my_ balls? He doesn’t even know me! That’s a bit forward, don’t you think? Not that I’m not flattered’.

Victor glares at him, because that’s not even funny, not to him, and disconnects with a click that – he hopes – sounds rightfully angry. 

He has some things he can’t fuck up.

 

***

 

‘Yakov’, Victor says, ‘what do you do when you’re attracted to someone?’.

It’s a legitimate question. Victor knows – intimately – what to do; but this time he really wants it to work. It’s not only about getting a finger up his butt, no matter what Chris seems to think.

Yakov gives him a look, hard and stony.

‘No’, he says an walks away. The rink around Victor grows empty and cold like Yakov’s heart.

 

***

 

Victor’s Nikiforov recent search history:

  * Going out with cute urologist
  * Thighs power
  * Kinks young doctors may have
  * Suit and shirt colour coordination
  * How to introduce boyfriend to dog
  * What if he likes pineapple on pizza and i don’t



 

***

 

Asking Georgi for advice is not Victor’s first option. It’s not even his second option, but he’s running out of both time and ideas, so there’s nothing else he can do.

Well, he could Google something up, but even Victor, after the recent search disaster, realizes it might not be a good idea.

‘What does he like?’, Georgi asks.

‘Balls’, Victor replies, again, because it’s a simple answer, really.

Georgi gives him a look full of surprise, but soon it melts into something dreamy and faraway. Victor’s confused, if not a bit defensive – it’s not like he, Victor Nikiforov, can’t fantasise about Yuuri’s balls, but Georgi – well, Georgi should stay away from them. Victor has blades on his skates and he will not have to be persuaded to use them.

But then, the look passes away. Georgi gives Victor another look, this time – an apprehensive one.

Good, Victor thinks. He’s very scary. Georgi should be afraid.

‘Ah, you don’t mean dancing, right? You know, Vitya’, Georgi says, ‘not that I’m not happy for you, but perhaps before you go straight for the third base, you might consider some foreplay’.

 

***

 

Victor learns four things on Monday:

  1. Georgi is a good companion as long as the two of them cry about perfect thighs together; he’s not a good giver of advice and weeps far too easily, far too often, smudging far too much eyeliner everywhere, including Victor’s Burberry coat that Victor had to save up for much longer than a decent rink employee should have to.
  2. Mila has so much blackmail material on him that he becomes afraid, very afraid.
  3. Asking Yakov about dicks is a Bad Idea™, but he had to ask anyway or regret forever (he regrets forever).
  4. Tuesday comes much too soon.



 

***

 

‘You again’, says someone in a dark voice.

Victor was so sure the reception hall is empty. Sara, the nice and terrifying receptionist from before, is gone; Victor can faintly hear her muffled voice from behind the closed doors on his left.

But no; a man sits in Sara’s place, his legs resting on her desk, in a pose so nonchalant that even Victor, in his open Burberry coat, sunglasses and the signature wink he had to practice in front of his mirror for long hours, feels a tiny bit cowed.

Victor remembers the man. His eyes, slowly, wander down, to the man’s breast pocket – and yes, here there is, a moving shape. Whatever it is, Victor think, it should not be moving at all.

He wants to move, too, in the opposite direction, only that would mean he’s never getting to look at Yuuri Katsuki again, and he’d like to do more than just look. So he stays.

‘Me again’, he agrees, and if his voice cracks, and if the man raises one eyebrow at him, it doesn’t matter. There’s no one else to witness this.

The man puts his legs down and stands up in one fluid movement. He smiles; it’s a scary smile, the same one Victor knows from Russian fairy tales that long ago kept him from falling asleep at night.

The man steps closer. Victor takes a step back.

The man steps closer, again.  Victor’s back touches the door.

The man steps closer, again. Victor has an epiphany: it’s a revolving door.

The man steps closer, again. Victor falls, roughly, on his butt.

Something moves in the man’s pocket. From the ground, he seems to tower above Victor like the old Soviet Moscow State University, all imposing and stormy.

The man fishes something out from his pocket. Victor is afraid – very afraid.

It doesn’t move. It’s a phone.

The man unlocks it without breaking his eye contact with Victor.

‘You hurt him, Nikiforov’, he whispers, ‘and I’ll destroy you. Watch it’.

He waves his phone in front of Victor’s face. It’s full of screenshots – Victor’s Facebook, Victor’s Insta, Victor’s unused Myspace from ten years ago, Victor’s Tinder, Victor’s everything, even the drunken comments he left under one Dr House compilation on Youtube.

‘Enjoy your date, Nikiforov’, the man says and steps around Victor like he’s just a mudded leaf on an autumn pavement. The door moves as he walks. It hits Victor’s knee with an empty thud that hurts more than it should.

 

***

 

Victor waits for Yuuri trying not to think about two things:

  1. The man, who Victor thinks is a doctor, can destroy his life and his chances with Yuuri with a single tap of his finger. Or he can attack him with whatever always moves in his breast pocket.
  2. He met Yakov exiting Yuuri’s office, which means that
  3. Yakov is familiar with Yuuri and
  4. Yakov has a prostate and
  5. Yuuri knows Yakov’s prostate, intimately.



 

He soon stops thinking altogether before the door to Yuuri’s office opens again and Yuuri steps out.

 

***

 

Yuuri looks, of course, absolutely perfect.

Victor, who didn’t sleep a wink last night, doesn’t know how Yuuri pulls this off. He himself had to resort to making some concealer magic to cover up the puffy bags under his eyes. Yuuri’s just got off a long shift at the clinic, which – Victor is sure – was full of hypochondriacs and hopefuls willing to have their hearts broken by the most attractive doctor in Detroit; no, on earth.

So, Yuuri should be tired, his shirt wrinkled, or something; maybe his face a bit oily, or too dry. But his skin is as perfect as it could get, his shirt – as ironed as if it’s just been taken off the rack, and Yuuri, himself, smiles at Victor the way Victor smiles at dogs: cheerfully, with no abandon.

‘I’m so happy work is over’, is the first thing Yuuri tells him. Victor is, admittedly, a bit disappointed; he expected something like “hello, Victor, you look amazing this evening” or “hello, Victor’ proceeded by a fervent kiss, or even “hello, Victor, can I fuck you”, or variations of these three (Victor is not picky).

‘Yeah’, he says, because he’s lame and nothing will change it. Victor’s own work consisted mostly of evading Yakov and three overeager six-year-olds whose names he still can’t remember. He’s better with dogs than with kids. ‘So, how are you?’, he asks, because he can get even lamer and Yuuri must be already coming up with varied and imaginative ways of giving Victor the big elbow.

‘I’m good, now’, Yuuri just says, though. His smile is so soft, but so powerful, and Victor wants to get down on his knees, like, immediately. ‘So... where are we going?’

 

***

 

‘A _Game of Thrones_ -themed escape room’, Yuuri repeats, incredulous.

They’re just about to be let in. Viktor tried – very hard – not to think too much about the fact that he’s going to be locked, for about an hour, in the same room with the most breathtaking man on the planet.

The escape room employee seems to be having the same thoughts. His cheerful _Hi, I’m Minami_ turned sour the moment he realized that Yuuri – beautiful, breathtaking, and obviously gay – is going to be Victor’s date.

The boy’s – he can’t be older than a college freshman, Victor thinks – eyes Yuuri exactly the same way Victor eyed Yuuri during his every prostate appointment.

Victor gives him a side-eye and thinks the boy deserves it.

‘Now, you probably already know that, but you’ve got an hour to get out’, Minami says, looking at Yuuri all the time and at Victor not at all. Yuuri remains oblivious, glancing around, nodding, and Victor thinks: it’s unacceptable, he’s not even looking at _me._

‘I’m gonna lock the room up but you’re totally safe and there’s video surveillance so I’ll see what you’re up to’, and Victor can swear to God that the last part was addressed to him, ‘I can leave you clues on the screen over here’, Minami waves his hand in a direction of a device hung on the wall, which Victor only notices now, too busy staring at Yuuri to pay attention to his surroundings. ‘If you need help, all you need to do is wave in its direction’.

Victor pays him no mind because Yuuri is wearing jeans and they accentuate some shapes that turn out to be the epitome of distracting.

Victor may not be focused at all, but he’s excused. It wasn’t that oblivious during Victor’s prostate appointments, Yuuri wearing a white coat and all, but now Victor can see it clearly: Yuuri’s butt is phenomenal.

He wants to do things to this butt.

 

***

_‘Game of Thrones’,_ Yuuri repeats. Maybe Victor has made a grave mistake and the Jon Snow figurine on Yuuri’s windowsill was just a random, meaningless knick-knack.  ‘It’s a _Game of Thrones_ -themed room’.

‘Uhm’, Victor says. Yuuri’s eyes are brown with tiny specks of gold in them and Victor swoons just a bit. ‘I thought you liked the show?’

‘I do’, Yuuri says. There’s something unexpectedly soft and curious in his eyes. Victor swoons a bit more, like a nineteenth-century maiden from old Russian novels his grandmother used to read.

‘The choice of the room is rather interesting, though’, Yuuri says, taking a few cautious steps. ‘Are you sure we’re quite safe here? A re-enactment of the Red Wedding might not be an auspicious idea, as far as first dates go’, he suggests softly.

The thing is: Victor pulled an all-nighter to marathon as much _Game of Thrones_ as he could, because his previous efforts with the show were frequently interrupted by either

  1. Makkachin;
  2. day/night-dreaming about Yuuri’s ass and eyes;
  3. making sure his dick was working so as not to fail miserably during future dates with Yuuri.



Ergo – he knows very little about the show, despite his efforts to claim otherwise.

A wedding sounds positive enough, though. Right? And red is a colour of love. And Yuuri likes _Game of Thrones._ They can’t go wrong with that.

‘I thought it sounded like a great start of our relationship’, he grins instead. It’s a good grin. It’s the same grin that frequently gives him over 10k likes on Insta. ‘So, Yuuri? The clock is ticking. Shall we start?’

 

***

 

These are the things that Victor Nikiforov learns within the first 4 minutes of being locked with Yuuri Katsuki, M.D., in an escape room:

  1. He knows nothing about _Game of Thrones,_ but he is very good at fetching things for Yuuri, who knows everything there is about the show.
  2. Yuuri being smart makes things very interesting for Victor’s pants, which are way too tight.
  3. Minami develops a crush on Yuuri and a vindictive streak directed at Victor, which results in changing the music from the _Game of Thrones_ soundtrack to George Michael. He apologises profusely on the screen, using too many emojis to be sincere. _[Careless Whisper](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izGwDsrQ1eQ) _ mocks Victor more than he can express.
  4. Yuuri is highly competitive. He rolls up the sleeves of his pale blue shirt.
  5. Both of these things contribute to the tight situation in Victor’s pants.



_***_

 

‘I’m not _dying_ here’, Yuuri all but snarls three minutes later. He’s sitting by a low table, parchment and quill in front of him. He’s supposed to be doing calculations in order to open a medieval-looking safe. He’s not even noting them down. ‘ _We’re_ not dying here’.

Somehow, Yuuri Katsuki can do maths in his head and rant at the same time. Victor has never been this turned on his entire life.

‘Oh, that’s quite clever’, Yuuri suddenly says, standing up ‘the code is two-eight-zero, the year Robert Baratheon’s rebellion broke out. Can you unlock the safe, Victor?’

Victor can, probably. But not now.

Now, he’s petrified by the view of Yuuri’s butt as he bends down to look at the safe alongside Victor. George Michael sings _[Freedom, ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diYAc7gB-0A)_ and of course – of course – Victor mishears the lines _All we have to do now /Is take these lies and make them true somehow_.

 _All you have to do now is to take this ass,_ Victor’s traitorous mind chants.

‘I’m so gay’, Victor says. Of course he didn’t crack the safe open; Yuuri does it for him, muscles flashing on his arms.

‘I know’, Yuuri tells him, not even looking at Victor. He’s flipping through a notebook that was hidden in the safe. ‘You’ve already told me, in my office. And, you know, I don’t think you can be straight and go on a date with me’.

Victor is fairly sure that sexual identities cease to matter when Yuuri is around. He’s too weak to voice this trail of thought, though. Yuuri has now stood up, the notebook in his hand, and returned to the table.

They’ve been locked up for thirteen minutes. George Michael and Wham now sing [_Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go_.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIgZ7gMze7A)Yuuri begins to move to the rhythm. Victor begins to die.

‘You know, this music is kinda catchy’, Yuuri says. ‘Not the most fitting choice, but might be more uplifting than _The Rains of Castamere’._

Victor doesn’t reply, too busy staring. His brain stopped working the moment he noticed Yuuri for the first time at the clinic. It doesn’t matter, anyway, because Yuuri has no mercy. He keeps swaying and talking.

‘We need another code to unlock the door or we die’, Yuuri says, as if Victor hasn’t been dead at least twice today, ‘one part is here but we need another. Let’s split. You cover the other side of the room, look for any irregularities, there has to be something. I’ll take this one’.

When Yuuri says _let’s split,_ Victor doesn’t expect him to mean it literally, but not even a minute later Yuuri is spread on the floor in a perfect split, having found a tiny hole in the wooden board that he decides to examine.

Victor is fairly flexible himself, but this casual display of athleticism leaves him even more breathless, bothered and gay than before.

_God. Victor wants Yuuri to check his prostate while in a split._

‘Found it’, Yuuri says before Victor even has a chance to look away from Yuuri’s butt. ‘This should open the door, I think’.

 

***

 

They exit the room to the sound of _[Last Christmas ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8gmARGvPlI)_ because the universe knows no mercy. Victor wants to die for reasons entirely different from the reasons that were causing his death a few minutes ago.

‘Congratulations’, Minami says cheerfully, looking at Yuuri with (Victor imagines) little hearts in his eyes, ‘that was so awesome! You were so awesome! No one has ever left this room so quickly! You know it’s the one with the highest difficulty! But you’ve done it! Fourteen minutes, eleven seconds!’

The intense energy deflates from Yuuri in an instant. Victor’s almost disappointed, but Yuuri looks so cute like this, a bit flushed, and Victor wants to kiss him even more.

Yuuri steals a glance at him, almost shy, and Victor beams.

‘Teamwork always pays off’, he says, smiling at Victor. Victor wants to kiss off the smile off the edge of his mouth, not even embarrassed that he hasn’t really done anything other than ogling Yuuri or fetching things for him.

‘Would you like to pose for a picture? if you don’t mind, I’ll post it on your social media too! We need to celebrate your quick escape!’

Minami snaps a few photos – they are offered funny wigs and accessories and Yuuri chooses a poodle toy, Victor swoons again – then Minami makes Yuuri sign one of the pictures so he can hang it on the wall and somehow forgets to ask Victor, too – and then they leave, hand in hand, laughing.

‘I didn’t expect to enjoy this as much as I did’, Yuuri says, glancing at Victor again with this shy, private expression on his face that Victor has already noticed and fallen in love with.

‘I – ugh’, Victor says, and then he wets his mouth. ‘Will you – will you go out with me?’

Something in Yuuri’s smile shifts to fondness.

‘Silly man’, he says. ‘I’m going out with you, now’.

Victor has somehow missed that part.

‘Oh’, he says. ‘You’re right. But will you go out with me anyway?’.

 

***

 

'So what do you like, other than _Game of Thrones?,_ Victor asks. He tries, very hard, to be casual, but he’s Victor Nikiforov. He’s never been casual in his life. It’s more work than he thought.

Yuuri licks his mouth and Victor doesn’t know whether he’s not the only one thirsty man in the tiny restaurant, or whether Yuuri is just hungry and really into his appetizer.

There’s a tiny bread crumble near the right corner of Yuuri’s mouth that Victor really wants to kiss off.

‘Dogs’, he finally says, ‘and ballet. And coffee’.

Victor didn’t know he could be attracted _more,_ but he can and he will – and he is.

‘Oh’, he says, reaching out to grab his phone. Maybe he can even get a picture of Yuuri eating his mushroom risotto.

Maybe he can even get a dick, he thinks, but he tries not to go into that direction yet.

‘So, Yuuri, let me show you the pictures of my dog, Makkachin’.

 

***

 

Tuesday is a good day to learn some new things, which is why Victor discovers that

  1. Yuuri accepts that all dogs were created equal and cute but poodles are the cutest;
  2. Yuuri can do an arabesque;
  3. Yuuri looks absolutely delicious while eating tiramisu;
  4. Yuuri can gaze at Victor with his eyelids just a bit heavy and Victor will either
  5. Spill his wine on himself, or
  6. Lose his ability to speak, or
  7. Take a deep breath that will not help At All;
  8. Yuuri tastes like tiramisu. His kisses are sweet and make Victor’s knees weak. Victor would like to learn what Yuuri looks like when he kisses, but he closed his eyes and can’t really tell; but he remembers a hand cupping his face, and the way Yuuri caught Victor’s lower lip against his lips, and how he caressed his hand up Victor’s shoulder.



 

 

***

 

Victor returns home alone but in heaven. _Last Christmas_ is stuck in his head.

‘ _Now I’ve found a real love’_ , his brain keeps telling him.

Victor agrees.

They’re going on the second date next Tuesday.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> *waves shyly* anyone still interested in the prostate au series? here it is, a few months later, without actual explicit prostates this time. Hope you enjoyed reading this silly thing as much as I did writing it <3
> 
> If you wanna talk about prostates or other things, I'm on this [tumblr](http://kaja-skowronek.tumblr.com) thing.


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